


need to title lol i'll find one eventually

by greensparrow29



Category: Original Work
Genre: Autism, Islamic References, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Muslim Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Poetry, Queer Themes, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Vampires, Verse Novel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greensparrow29/pseuds/greensparrow29
Summary: Look, sometimes, telling a story through sims screenshots and shitty dialogue is.... not the best way to tell a story. So I decided to go for the only other thing I can do, which is write it all out using poetry.I'm not sure how to describe this, but these characters and themes mean a lot to me, and I wanted to find a way to share it properly with the world.I hope as vague as most of this will be, that if you do read this, you will at least take something away from having read it.





	1. Chapter 1

1.

The boy i held in my hands  
a showing of my love,   
of my life,   
wispy black hair  
skin dark, eyes bright,  
i had created him.

i wondered of the life i would bring him into  
the powers he may gain  
the lives he may lead.

i thought of my older brothers, dashing, smart  
my father, powerful, kind  
my mother strong,  
dead, as if they had never lived  
the lives they lived.  
and i thought of how proud they would be  
to see me holding their legacy.

My legacy, our legacy  
would i live to see him grow,  
would i live to see him become himself  
i did not know  
but love swelled in my chest,  
for he would be the best,  
no matter his path.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

my childhood  
was almost idyllic  
a large family, loving parents  
many, many family friends baring gifts  
children my own age to play with.

laughter, singing  
food prepared like it was art  
5 nightly prayers facing south

I remember running across sand  
my long dress flowing with the wind  
one hand pointing  
the second pulling on another.

white hair, blue eyes  
a smile that could light a room  
i remember watching her grow   
into the man i last knew him as  
and i remember the pain i saw in his eyes  
as i left, like everyone else.


	3. 3.

3.

Life took many things from me  
things I never thought  
I'd ever have to let go  
vampires don't just drop dead one day  
but they did  
and i was left.

They had each other left  
I had no one  
I couldn't bring myself to stay  
in the place   
that only brought me pain.

I found my own happiness  
it took decades  
but when i met her, my life brightened.

i could never bring myself   
to tell her the truth  
about what i was, what it meant for her  
we married, a child was conceived, and born  
and the guilt racked me.

I lived for 10 more years  
I always knew it would all catch up to me  
but i wish i had the chance  
to see her green eyes  
his brown eyes,  
one more time.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Seeing him grow   
was an honour  
the way he read, the way he talked  
how excited he got over small things  
like the feel of his favourite blanket  
or the sound of thunder and lightning.

We weren't perfect parents  
we didn't try to be  
but we loved him and provided him with everything  
and at the end of the day, i hope that was enough.

He once came crying  
after the death of a character in his series  
saying "أم, what would happen if you died?"  
and i explained "well, I'd leave  
but i would be in a better place  
Jannah, they call it, paradise"

He replied "but I don't want you to leave!"  
"and I won't, not for a long time, habbibi  
not if I can help it"  
and he smiled and went back to his work.

Lying to him felt like a stab to my heart  
but i knew it important  
maybe I would end up in Jannah, my family around me  
or maybe it will just end  
but either way, i would leave  
and the pain that caused to my family  
was a guilt i carried before it even happened.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

I never knew  
how I knew I was going to die  
intuition, if you will  
vampirism was a curse i held close to my heart  
i was lucky i was powerful enough  
to hide it well.

He was told I died of a mysterious illness  
i remember watching the light drain from his face  
i wish i could have held him  
but i watched on helplessly  
only a few seconds to reflect and look on.

I watched as my wife, in her own grief  
let him cry, numbness filling her features  
she will become bitter, i know it  
but i loved her, i did  
she is strong, she will live.

My boy sobbed  
i tried to keep saying to myself  
he will live, he is strong  
but he is a child  
he shouldn't have to be strong  
he deserved more than we could give him.

Oh my dearest Lucas  
live on for me  
and one day you will learn the truth  
and i hope you hold no bitterness.

إِنَّا لِلَّٰهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ‎  
i hope to see you again  
one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> إِنَّا لِلَّٰهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ - Verily we belong to Allah, and verily to Him do we return


	6. Chapter 6

i remember that day well  
my 16th birthday, a happy day  
i was surrounded by friends  
my girlfriend hanging from one arm  
my mother, my stepmother.

when everyone left my mother pulled me aside  
a sad smile on her face  
she said "i have an extra present for you"  
"oh! who is it from?"  
"your أم, my dear"

i was in shock as a box was handed to me  
inside were three books  
a piece of paper, with handwriting i thought  
i'd never see again.

the note read,  
'my dearest Lucas,  
may your 16th be your dream, may you have not forgotten me  
i am preparing this as you turn 9  
i always thought it would be nice  
to leave something for after I go,  
not like this however.'

'these books are important, one is a diary  
the others, non fiction  
and i hope by the end  
you will understand.'

'live your life how you wish  
but know that another life is close by  
ready to be discovered  
i wish i was there with you to share the stories  
of our ancestors, of my family, of me  
but i am not.' 

'all i am asking  
is for you to read them  
i expect no decisions, no mess, just yet.'

'think of me, remember me  
for I am happy  
and missing you terribly.'


	7. Chapter 7

my mother looked at me quizically  
"what did it say?"  
"I.... I don't want to talk about it, mother"  
a sigh escaped her  
"she was my wife, Lucas, I deserve to-"

i laugh  
i remember her remarrying barely a year after she died  
i remember her happiness to erase me and my mom  
from her history, like flies to be squished  
i want to cry, but i hold it in

"no, just... let me have it for a bit please?"  
she tapped her high heeled shoe  
a knock against expensive marble floors  
crossed her arms and turned around  
"fine. happy birthday, lucas."

i remember the coziness of a cottage, soft wood floors  
comfy cushions, happy smiles  
and i want to punch her  
into the ground of the mansion she got falsely  
"thanks, mom."


	8. Chapter 8

I read of a life i never knew my mother had  
of a time spent between a fascinating town  
i soon found to be called Kopachi  
and places i had never thought she had seen  
like Venice and Riyadh.

I realised quickly things that didn't line up   
with the woman i had known  
she spoke of wars, long gone  
that were, for her, ongoing  
reading books long lost to history  
what they all wore, what traditions they followed.

She talked casually about things i didn't understand  
the hunting her family did  
the slow signs of her own changing  
a feeling of craving.

And i realised  
but i couldn't believe.

I buried those books in my bookcase  
i tried to ignore them  
i tried so hard to continue.

But then things started to change for me too  
sharpening of my teeth  
my ears pointing more and more upwards  
my eyes turning from their hazel brown  
to the brightest white.

And I had to accept  
my late mother was a vampire  
and it seems, so was I.


End file.
